Internet

Well, today I finally got internet in my flat, woohoo! It's perhaps a bit on the slow side but I think it'll be adequate for what I need, so that's good. I got my L-Ausländerausweis last week- it's like my work/short term residence permit thing- so I thought I'd have no problem getting the internet set up here. I WAS WRONG.

Basically, I'd already been into the Orange shop 3 times. Once, shortly after I arrived, when I was assured that it wouldn't really be a problem that I was only going to be in the country for about 8 or 9 months. The guy recommended a connection that cost 19fr a month, plus 1fr per day you use it, so it would cost at the most 50fr a month (£30), meaning that after I left the country I would only have to pay 19fr a month for the rest of the contract period.

The second time I went in, I spoke to a man who seemed to be a bit more senior (well, I assume that cos he was older!) and he said that it was generally possible to break off the contract after 6 months if I had a Bestätigung from the Gemeindeverwaltung (basically a letter from them saying I was leaving the country), so that was all well and good.

Anyway I went in on Tuesday afternoon to see about it again and see how much I'd have to pay upfront and stuff, and the guy there didn't mention any problems, he just recommended a particular product and went through the costs etc. I mentioned the conversation with Man No. 2 but he didn't really make any comment on that, but when I said I could pay for a whole year if I needed to, despite my visa only being valid til May (he saw it, in fact he took it off me to check some details on it), and didn't mention it being a problem.

So, anyway, when I went to the Orange shop today, I thought it'd be no problem, just a case of giving them 80fr for the wireless modem and off we go. I left myself 30mins before the lesson I had to teach just in case. OH DEAR. Unfortunately my timing meant that I was teamed up with the Saleswoman Bitch From Hell.

I went in, and as usual there was a chorus of "Grüezi" from all the staff (Bitch From Hell and another bloke with a pierced nose). Bitch From Hell (BfH) came over and asked if I needed help, so I explained to her that I didn't have an internet connection, I needed one, I had an L-ausweis valid til May, and that I didn't have a fixed telephone line (all important facts in the world of getting internet in Switzerland). So she just looked at me blankly and basically said "No. Not. Possible." I was slightly baffled and said that it hadn't been a problem any other time I'd been in, the only reason I was still waiting was because I had to wait on the L-ausweis arriving before I could get it. I explained that it wasn't really a problem if I had to pay for a whole year, but she was very unhelpful and basically told me there wasn't a chance in hell I'd get them to give me internet. So I kicked her in the face and went to Swisscom instead. Well, that bit didn't happen, but if I thought Swisscom would give me a decent connection (the prices they offered were insanely high, maybe that's what you pay for decent customer service). Anyway, I said again that it wasn't a problem if I had to pay for a whole year. She just glared at me and said "It's not a question of PAYING. It's a question of SECURITY". Psssh. So I just continued to be baffled by the evilness of BfH, and she relectantly went over to a computer and started tapping random keys, to be honest I'm not even wholly convinced that she was typing anything. So anyway on she went typing random things, occasionally pausing to stare into space / watch what pierced-nose-guy was doing / walk about a bit. Then she went off and got a phone, and to be perfectly honest I wasn't sure if she was even calling anyone. But eventually after HALF AN HOUR of her vaguely tapping the keyboard and barking random numbers down the phone at some poor unfortunate Orange employee, she smiled sweetly and said "Yes, it's no problem. So, how do you want to pay for the modem?" - I honestly could've killed her, but I decided to be the bigger person and handed over a 100fr note. The transformation in her personality was ridiculous. I think it was because she saw me as some stupid foreigner, but this stupid foreigner totally owned her.

And the best bit was, even though she could speak English, I did it all in German.